Saturday, 30 September 2017

d100 Wizard Smack Talk

d100 Wizard Smacktalk
Wizards are a special kind of jerk and just like other monsters they like saying things to provoke action or intimidate victims. Wizards don't care if they hurt your feelings. If your lucky they will turn you into a newt and they will put you in a potion. Wizards typically have some mooks with them to avoid getting distracted by close range stabbin in combat. Wizards like to make themselves sound important and superior and more cleverererfied and learnificated. Some are a bit paranoid and suppose enemies are part of a plot. They probably do have enemies but they might assume intruders are part of a megaplot against them because they think the universe revolves around them.

d100 Wizard Smacktalk

1 Bring them to me my minions, I wish to examine them in my chambers!
2 Destroy them my pretty pets! Do as you please with these wretched weaklings!
3 Bow down before my bolts of bedevilment you foul defilers of my sanctum!
4 More fresh meat for my laboratory and my pets
5 With some modifications these might just make my newest slaves
6 These weak and feeble intruders will make me fine undead servants forever
7 I am the master here and I command you to die!
8 My will here is supreme, bow before me like dogs and I may spare you my wrath
9 Your puny insignificant beings cannot comprehend the fell powers I command!
10 You have excellent bone structure, your skeletons will make fine editions to my collection
11 Tell me which of my enemies sent you or you will suffer the torments of hell!
12 My eldritch powers will reduce your bodies to ash and banish your souls to limbo
13 So which will be the first of you to die before my will?
14 My wand shoots seven kinds of prismatic bolts, do you feel lucky puny mortal?
15 You will be my helpless prisoners and I will defile and break you all
16 When I have you in my lab you will pity yourself for the  foolish day you came here
17 Your worthless sack of flesh will be lifeless for my will to toy with as it pleases
18 Your corpses will be my puppets, obedient to my every dark desire!
19 You will by my playthings, toys of flesh obedient to my every thought
20 My demons will punish you, your souls will be torn and dragged to the abyss screaming
21 My spells will shatter your puny shells and tear your minds assunter
22 Your insignificance cannot be overestimated, shortly I will be wiping your ashes off my boots
23 Ah just the body parts I needed for a project, please stand still!
24 Ahhh you must be the petty matter my horoscope said I would walk all over today
25 What to turn you into? Orcs, Frogs or just corpses!
26 My mighty intellect cannot be distracted by these sub normal simpletons. Away with ye!
27 How dare you come here and take what is rightfully mine! Death to thieves!
28 By the celestial spheres of Yog Sothoth! Death to the defilers!
29 I'm going to do to your body what demons are going to do to your souls!
30 Now just hold still while I remember my spell to destroy you!
31 Now be a bunch of good eggs and stay still while I destroy you!
32 You protoplasmic peons, your pugilism and pilfering will be properly penalized!
33 You will not live to regret your foolish decision to come here and vex me
34 I didn't learn these spells just to have to waste my time to destroy cretins like you
35 Ah yes just what I was looking for to try this new spell I've been working on
36 I hope you've wondered what your insides look like because your about to find out
37 Oh goody I do like explosions! Weeeee!
38 So which one of you wants to be my slave and which ones want to be dead?
39 Nothing like the scent of roast man flesh to get my minions exited
40 If you start to run now one of you might live
41 Surrender and my minions will use you for play till they get bored or I destroy you now
42 How dare you kill my monsters! You rascally rotters shall die painfully!
43 You bastards! How dare you come into my domain! Die!
44 Your bones and skin will decorate my bedchamber
45 You stupid cretins. How can morons like you challenge I, a master of magic?
46 Pathetic weaklings, I will tear out your spines from your screaming corpses
47 You poor pathetic fools, time to die
48 Don't you think of your poor mothers who will weep when you don't come home?
49 All those muscles and barely any brains between you. You deserve death
50 Its a shame you wasted your whole lives just to reach this moment and die like worms
51 Why would you invite death by coming before me? You misguided simpletons
52 Im going to freeze your body then shatter your organs like glass
53 You desperate maggots, grubbing about in the earth for treasure, now you die like worms
54 Your feeble lives mean nothing to us, you shall be crushed like turds on a road
55 So your here to be our new slaves? On your knees now or die!
56 Ahh my minions needed some entertainment, and you have come dressed as adventurers!
57 You thought you could come here and rob these poor creatures? Die you heartless monsters!
58 You utter stupid shits! You just come in here and ruin my shit. You are so dead.
59 So you thought you could just take what you wanted without getting killed eh?
60 Months of planning ruined. I would have gotten away with it if not for you meddling kids!
61 Your lives are but grains of sand, tiny, insignificant and forgotten with the slightest wind
62 Your kinds are numbered. A great doom is coming for you all
63 Soon a great tide shal sweep across the world leaving all you love heaps of ash
63 The age of wizards is upon us, mere swords are for puny slaves
64 So youve been sent to kill me. Well your master will be disappointed. I'm ready for you now!
65 So you have stumbled across my plans, well it is too late to stop me now when your about to die
66 Ive been expecting you! My enemies are always sending assassins. You like them will burn
67 So you've found me eh? I knew you were after me. Well now you pay the price!
68 You killed my lover, burned my books and stole my treasure. I now it was you now die!
69 I spent years hand raising those darling baby monsters and you just killed them!
70 If I was in a good mood I might just torture you but I'm too busy to be bothered with losers
71 Do I turn you all into pigs for my minions to eat or do I just burn you now
72 Ahh I needed some fresh zombies, thank you for coming in such a timely fashion!
73 You goddamn bastards! Do you really think I can afford to have meatheads like you here!
74 Some kind of heroes are you, well lets see you become famous after i do this!
75 Aw crap it's you guys. How did you recover from last time I killed you all? Ah well...
76 If you don't surrender now I will polymorph you all into desirable orc concubines
77 Youve been helping my enemies plot against me well now you pay the price with pain!
78 Cheap thugs like you might have concerned me when I was a boy but now I have the power
79 My guardian Daemons and Elementals are more than a match for your puny best efforts
80 You've been gossiping about me, trying to make my minions revolt! I'm not paranoid!
81 You festering gobshite cretins, don't you know who I am!
82 I don't jump on your bed when your hard at work, why are you in my dungeon?
83 You vomit and piss stained murder hobo drunks can't stop our righteous wrath!
84 What are a bunch of shit stained rentboys like you doing here? Nobody wants you here
85 Ah what a pretty bunch of eunuchs in costume as fighting men, what foolish jest is this?
86 Careful not to touch them men, they are stained by venereal diseases from the foulest whorehouses
87 A bunch of brain damaged drunkards eh, Ive no copper for filthy beggars like you
88 Why you are the ugliest orcs I've ever seen. Ive no pigs for you to make love to here
89 What open arsed foul creatures from the pit are these sorry creatures?
90 Some murderous cowards eh, ready to run home for a nap to mummy with the slightest prick
91 Watch men, these incontinent bastards will slip in their own filth running away from us
92 These swine kissing perverts will screw anything, watch your asses my minions!
93 Ugh! what wretched creatures! What shame the parents who spawned them must feel
94 Filthy sons of whores, we have no use of your lewd filth here, begone to you hag mothers teats
95 What dirty band of felchers have we here! Come to drink our chamber pots of piss
96 What feckless fools do we have here, winners of the village idiot competition by the looks
97 What walking sacks of shite are these lumbering oafs? Go home you stupid ape creatures!
98 Here come a band of babbling pudding brained fools now. We don't what whatever your selling
99 More suicidal fools, dont make this too quick minions, they need to suffer, cripple them
100 What hideous visages, some drink sodden wizard must have made such ugly malcontents

Also try this

i ran the above d100 through this...

d100 ye olde wizard smacktalk

1 bringeth those folk to me mine own minions, i wisheth to examineth those folk in mine own chamb'rs!
2 destroyeth those folk mine own quaint pets! doth as thee prithee with these wretch'd weaklings!
3 boweth down bef're mine own bolts of bedevilment thee foul defil'rs of mine own sanctum!
4 m're green meat f'r mine own lab'rat'ry and mine own pets
5 with some modifications these might just maketh mine own newest slaves
6 these weak and feeble intrud'rs shall maketh me fine undead s'rvants f'rev'r
7 i am the mast'r h're and i commandeth thee to kicketh the bucket!
8 mine own shall h're is supreme, boweth bef're me liketh dogs and i may spareth thee mine own wrath
9 thy puny insignificant beings cannot comprehend the hath fallen pow'rs i commandeth!
10 thee has't excellent bone structureth, thy skeletons shall maketh fine editions to mine own collection
11 bid me which of mine own enemies hath sent thee 'r thee shall suff'r the t'rments of hell!
12 mine own eldritch pow'rs shall reduceth thy bodies to ash and banish thy souls to limbo
13 so which shall beest the first of thee to kicketh the bucket bef're mine own shall?
14 mine own wand shoots seven kinds of prismatic bolts, doth thee feeleth lucky puny m'rtal?
15 thee shall beest mine own helpless prison'rs and i shall defile and breaketh thee all
16 at which hour i has't thee in mine own lab thee shall pity yourself f'r the  foolish day thee cameth h're
17 thy w'rthless sacketh of flesh shall beest lifeless f'r mine own shall to toy with as t pleases
18 thy c'rpses shall beest mine own puppets, obedient to mine own ev'ry dark desire!
19 thee shall by mine own playthings, toys of flesh obedient to mine own ev'ry bethought
20 mine own demons shall punisheth thee, thy souls shall beest t'rn and did drag to the abyss screaming
21 mine own spells shall shatt'r thy puny shells and teareth thy minds assunt'r
22 thy insignificance cannot beest ov'restimated, sh'rtly i shall beest wiping thy ashes off mine own boots
23 ah just the corse parts i did need f'r a projecteth, prithee stand!
24 ahhh thee wilt beest the petty matt'r mine own h'roscope hath said i wouldst walketh all ov'r the present day
25 what to turneth thee into? orcs, frogs 'r just c'rpses!
26 mine own palmy intellect cannot beest distract'd by these sub n'rmal simpletons. Hence with ye!
27 how dareth thee cometh h're and taketh what is rightfully mineth! death to thieves!
28 by the celestial sph'res of yog sothoth! death to the defil'rs!
29 i'm going to doth to thy corse what demons art going to doth to thy souls!
30 anon just holdeth still while i rememb'r mine own spelleth to destroyeth thee!
31 anon beest a bunch of valorous eggs and stayeth still while i destroyeth thee!
32 thee protoplasmic peons, thy pugilism and pilf'ring shall beest prop'rly penalized!
33 thee shall not liveth to regreteth thy foolish decision to cometh h're and vexeth me
34 i didn't learneth these spells just to has't to wasteth mine own timeth to destroyeth cretins liketh thee
35 ah aye just what i wast looking f'r to tryeth this new spelleth i've been w'rking on
36 i desire thee've wond'r'd what thy insides behold liketh because thy about to findeth out
37 oh goody i doth liketh explosions! weeeee!
38 so which one of thee wanteth to beest mine own slave and which ones wanteth to beest dead?
39 nothing liketh the scent of roast sir flesh to receiveth mine own minions exit'd
40 if 't be true thee starteth to runneth anon one of thee might liveth
41 surrend'r and mine own minions shall useth thee f'r playeth till those gents receiveth b'r'd 'r i destroyeth thee anon
42 how dareth thee killeth mine own monst'rs! thee rascally rott'rs shalt kicketh the bucket painfully!
43 thee bastards! how dareth thee cometh into mine own domain! kicketh the bucket!
44 thy bones and skin shall dec'rate mine own bedchamb'r
45 thee no more brain than stone cretins. How can m'rons liketh thee dare i, a mast'r of charm?
46 pathetic weaklings, i shall drop of sorrow out thy spines from thy screaming c'rpses
47 thee po'r pathetic daws, timeth to kicketh the bucket
48 thee not bethink of thy po'r moth'rs who is't shall weepeth at which hour thee cometh not home?
49 all those muscles and barely any brains between thee. Thee des'rve death
50 its a shame thee did waste thy whole liveth just to reacheth this moment and kicketh the bucket liketh w'rms
51 wherefore wouldst thee inviteth death by coming bef're me? thee misguid'd simpletons
52 im going to freezeth thy corse then shatt'r thy 'rgans liketh glass
53 thee desp'rate maggots, grubbing about in the earth f'r treasure, anon thee kicketh the bucket liketh w'rms
54 thy feeble liveth cullionly nothing to us, thee shalt beest did crush liketh turds on a road
55 so thy h're to beest our new slaves? on thy hams anon 'r kicketh the bucket!
56 ahh mine own minions did need some ent'rtainment, and thee has't cometh did dress as adventur'rs!
57 thee bethought thee couldst cometh h're and robeth these po'r creatures? kicketh the bucket thee heartless monst'rs!
58 thee utt'r no more brain than stone shits! thee just cometh in h're and rid mine own the horror. Thou art so dead.
 59 so thee bethought thee couldst just taketh what thee did want without getting hath killed eh?
60 months of planning ruin'd. I wouldst has't gotten hence with t if 't be true not f'r thee meddling kids!
61 thy liveth art but grains of sand, tiny, insignificant and f'rgotten with the slightest windeth
62 thy kinds art numb'r'd. A most wondrous doom is coming f'r thee all
63 lief a most wondrous tide shal sweepeth across the w'rld leaving all thee loveth heaps of ash
63 the age of wizards is upon us, m're sw'rds art f'r puny slaves
64 so youve been hath sent to killeth me. Well thy mast'r shall beest disappoint'd. I'm eft f'r thee anon!
65 so thee has't stumbl'd across mine own plans, well t is too late to stand ho me anon at which hour thy about to kicketh the bucket
66 ive been expecting thee! mine own enemies art at each moment sending assassins. Thee liketh those folk shall burneth
67 so thee've hath found me eh? i kneweth thee w're aft'r me. Well anon thee payeth the price!
68 thee hath killed mine own lov'r, burn'd mine own books and did steal mine own treasure. I anon t wast thee anon kicketh the bucket!
69 i hath spent years handeth raising those ladybird baby monst'rs and thee just hath killed those folk!
70 if 't be true i wast in a valorous humor i might just t'rture thee but i'm too busy to beest both'r'd with los'rs
71 doth i turneth thee all into pigs f'r mine own minions to consume 'r doth i just burneth thee anon
72 ahh i did need some green carrions, thanketh thee f'r coming in such a timely fashion!
73 thee goddamn bastards! doth thee very much bethink i can aff'rd to has't meatheads liketh thee h're!
74 some kind of h'roes art thee, well lets seeth thee becometh famous aft'r i doth this!
75 aw alas t's thee guys. How didst thee recov'r from lasteth timeth i hath killed thee all? ah well.
 76 if 't be true thee surrend'r not anon i shall polym'rph thee all into desirable 'rc concubines
77 youve been helping mine own enemies plot 'gainst me well anon thee payeth the price with teen!
78 vile thugs liketh thee might has't conc'rn'd me at which hour i wast a knave but anon i has't the pow'r
79 mine own guardian daemons and elementals art m're than a matcheth f'r thy puny most wondrous eff'rts
80 thee've been gossiping about me, trying to maketh mine own minions revolt! i'm not paranoid!
81 thee fest'ring gobshite cretins, thee not knoweth who is't i am!
82 i jumpeth not on thy sleep chamber at which hour thy hard at w'rk, wherefore art thee in mine own dungeon?
83 thee heave the gorge and piss stain'd murd'r hobo drunks can't stand ho our righteous wrath!
84 what art a bunch of the horror stain'd rentboys liketh thee doing h're? nobody wanteth thee h're
85 ah what a quaint bunch of eunuchs in costume as fighting men, what foolish gleek is this?
86 careful not to toucheth those folk men, those gents art stain'd by ven'real diseases from the foulest wh'rehouses
87 a bunch of brain did damage drunkards eh, ive nay copp'r f'r filthy beggars liketh thee
88 wherefore thou art the ugliest 'rcs i've ev'r seen. Ive nay pigs f'r thee to maketh loveth to h're
89 what ope ars'd foul creatures from the pit art these s'rry creatures?
90 some murd'rous cowards eh, eft to runneth home f'r a nap to mummy with the slightest pricketh
91 gaze men, these incontinent bastards shall slipeth in their owneth filth running hence from us
92 these swine kissing p'rv'rts shall screweth aught, gaze thy asses mine own minions!
93 fie! what wretch'd creatures! what shame the parents who is't spawn'd those folk wilt feeleth
94 filthy sons of wh'res, we has't nay useth of thy lewd filth h're, begone to thee hag moth'rs teats
95 what filthy band of felch'rs has't we h're! cometh to drinketh our chamb'r pots of piss
96 what feckless daws doth we has't h're, winn'rs of the village clotpole competition by the looks
97 what walking sacks of shite art these lumb'ring oafs? wend home thee no more brain than stone ape creatures!
98 h're cometh a band of babbling pudding brain'd daws anon. We what not whatev'r thy selling
99 m're suicidal daws, dont maketh this too quick minions, those gents needeth to suff'r, cripple those folk
100 what hideous visages, some drinketh sodden wizard might not but has't madeth such like a toad, ugly and venemous malcontents

Friday, 29 September 2017

Friday Fast Map: Ogre mother Cave

A local cave thought to be a witch hole long ago has been blamed for the disappearance of a children and animals over the years. In ancient times cave folk came here for secret ceremonies. The men performed hunting rites in the upper caves. The deepest cave is home to a lady ogre magi shaman. She used to receive sacrifices to not eat people, give secrets or treasure. She tolerates women who bring a sacrifice and attacks men. He has long hair, is naked with blue-black-grey flesh and a blood red mouth with fangs. She has long black hair, tusks and long iron claws.

The chimney has some old handholds in key points indicating past use.

Water is icy cold and could be a hypothermia problem after an hour of being soaked

Other dangers include giant bats including a doom bat, piercers and prehistoric mummies of the elders.  A cave fisher and cave lobsters might be a problem.

The cave is rich in artwork.

Bones, teeth, tusks, skulls and horns of ancient game animals can be found. The hunters cave has obsidian and flint weapons, several are magical.

A flint hatchet that can ignite flammables it strikes
A returning d4 throwing stick that can also trip a running foe on a natural 20
A obsidian spiked wooden war club that does 2d4 +1 Wounding (1pt dam/round for 10 rounds)
d6 obsidian +1 arrows
A javelin that has triple range and no range penalties and can harm magic beings (+0)

The mummies have coral, amber, tusk and cowrie shell beads and a d4 ornate copper tokens of value to collectors that do not tarnish and can cut or be used to start fires or skin a animal hide

Cave fisher might have some remains of explorers

Cave lobsters lurk about and you might have left a snipped of limb about

The ogress has gold, silver, iron, copper, pearls, and several magic items

A Skull with a trapped ghost that if released must obay one command
A basket of holding carries 100lb but weighs 10lb
Club does a d6 but can hit magic and has a extra attack
Bone ring of water breathing
Copper bowl filled with water makes flattering reflections of viewer
Comb if used can add a d3 inches to your hair length a day and makes hair shine

Thursday, 28 September 2017

Parasites of Xor

Honestly im still doing Xor. I investigated a rival product and have come away satisfied im still king of meat dungeon settings. Am working on spells mostly. This was a hard one - if i made any terrible mistakes let me know.

Patrick Stewart revealed races in Veins have been gating to Xor to eat it!
Crossover parasite shock! Poor Xor. Go eat Abhoth it doesnt care.

This has been a while on my to do list and kalooh kalah! Parasites are here!
Parasites are awful but some have their uses and are even trade items.  Some are more like symbiotes. Anytime you eat unprocessed meat of get covered in gore parasites are a risk. Especially in dungeons and meat wizard labs.

Monsters you meet might have some of these. A dungeon might have one to three being common or a faction tainted or poorest of a faction might be untouchable minority.

d12 Exposure
01 Under cooked contaminated food
02 Feces contaminated food
03 Fly or mosquito bites
04 Flea or tick bites
05 Contact with feces
06 Contact with dead animals or blood
07 Contact with human corpses or blood
08 Sexual content
09 On vegetation like tall grass or leaves
10 Skin to skin contact
11 Comited a sin
12 Supernatural exposure

If exposed generally a saving throw to resist
May have several stages of infection that get worse
Mostly the parasites dont want you dead unless it helps them spread
Some of the below treatments cause the parasite to save or perish or evacuate
Amazingly scratching or wildly stabbing yourself seldom works

d12 Treatments
1 Certain herbs taken for a week cleanse system and host excretes parasite
2 Another parasite introduced will drive out other types of parasite from host
3 Certain expensive spices irritate it and may drive out with at least three doses

4 Drink enough alcohol that the host almost dies might drive out parasites
5 Consume arsenic or heavy metals that may kill the host
6 Stay submerged in noxious liquid like fermented urine or vinegar or oil 
7 Torture from a professional for at least a week may evacuate the host
8 Starvation to near death will make parasite escape to seek new host
9 Spider or snake venom risks host and scares away parasite
10 Mercury ingested or injected will kill parasite and possibly host
11 Dangerous Surgery but when common some become experts
12 Magic cure for disease may expel the parasite

d10 Quick Sub Types
01 Worms
02 Larvae
03 Lice and ticks
04 Bugs
05  Fungus
06 Protozoa
07 Plants
08 Monsters
09 Spirits
10 Symbiosis

d100 Parasites
01 Dungeon Threadworms mass of long thin transparent worms live in dungeon floor filth and swarm into traveller, slowing body and swelling as worm mass grows, eventually bursts
02 Bloodworms infect meat or feces enter digestive tract then blood system, strangling heart over several months, mass or thin red worms
03 Fang worm is a white worm with a single fang grows in digestive tract for years increasing weight and food consumption and victim shits masses of worms. Worm triggers fear if you eat spices it dislikes. It will keep other worms from your body
04 Tooth worms chew into gums and eat teeth from the inside till none are left causing horrible pain
05 Flesh Worms devour host from inside slowly, each week lose a HP if fail a CON save
06 Vampire lamprey worm grows inside body and while victim sleeps with fully grown specimen, save or creature controls and extends mouth from hosts mouth to drain blood of other creatures usually d4 per round till drinks 12 then goes back to sleep
07 Bowel worms live in digestive tract eating feces and host feels blocked but is not able to excrete. Each month after infection they suddenly explosively release a d4 pounds of grubs which try to infect other victims entering the anus or laying eggs in latrines
08 Corpse Worm infects a body devouring host 1HP a day till death. After 24 hours the body arises as a zombie that seeks to infect others flinging worms or wrestling victims and vomiting on them
09 Eyeworms infest filthy water and swim into eyes then enter the eyeball jelly to breed and live after a month worms are visible and horrible to look out. The victim releases eggs from  tear ducts when crying or face gets wet. After three months the victim must save or tear out or burn own eyes out. After another month the worms infect the brain inducing host to drown self in a river or well
10 Genital Centipedes tiny larvae live in filth on dungeon floors and enter the urinary tract. As they grow host experiences itchiness and pain when urinating. After a month a female host births a giant centipede and will continue to do so each month. A male host finds penis swollen and red and twitching and eventually explodes. The male host usually dies if fails a save but if lives is reduced to 1HP and no penis or testicles. They are also sexually transmitted

11 Voice Leech lives in fluid and may swim into a drinking creatures throat. Some put them in potion bottles as a trap. Each day the host saves or loses a HP. If this happens three times in a row the victim also saves or chokes. If they succeed their voice stops working and the victim keeps repeating saves to avoid HP loss and choking. A hot wire inserted into the throat might kill it
12 Manna Wasp Grub is spread by tiny wasps often in sleep atracted to spell casters. The worms grow in brain and after a week the host save each day or lose one level of spell or magic ability. After 12 levels are absorbed the wasp hatch from the casters disgusting exploding skull 

13 Heart grubs infect victim through contact with gore or uncooked meat. After six days the grub begins to eat a HP per day. When the host has zero HP their heart explodes scattering a dozen adult beetles that try to spread  in meat eggs or on animals
14 Carrion grubs are spread by bird feces. A crow is a common carrier and when it shots on creature tiny larvae crawl into hosts nose and into the brain. The host saves each day to resist urge to be suicidal allowing some other creature to eat it. After a six fails in a row the host climbs as high as possible making crow noises and attract birds to eat their swollen pulsing egg infested eyeballs and other tissue. The birds then get the urge to shit on fresh hosts. The hosts feces is also infected and crawling with worms that attract possible hosts to eat them. Some crops fertilized with infected human or animal waste may carry eggs also
15 Sweet worms infect victims through improperly cooked meat. The worms after three days make the host smell deliciously edible attracting new possible hosts and sexual partners. This might not seem so bad but attacks from dogs, bears or swarms of bugs or rats or birds are a problem. Other humans might be tempted by cannibalism instead of sex
16 Swarmlings appear to be spread by cloud of stinging insects that in large amounts can be fatal. Mostly victim escapes but if fails a save becomes a host. After a few days they begin to fear fire and increase apetite. After a week they hear buzzing noises constantly. Every week after host saves or explodes releasing a hostile swarm 
17 Gargoyle Grub has a complex life cycle. Usually infected by black gelatin in fouled water or tombs. The host loses a HP from cramp and pain. If they die of HP Loss a black venomous worm bursts from the corpse and spreads more slime. If the host fails a weekly save roll after managing to survive the HP loss then a streamlined demonic gargoyle like creature bursts from the victim and rapidly grows into a larger creature spreading black slime and devouring any creatures it can 
18 Devil Larvae mostly infects evil persons and is spread by imps who drop a baby grub in a sleepers nose or mouth while invisible. The grub grows driving the victim to greater evil over years if the host fails a save when infected. When they finally die the larvae bursts from the victim's corpse and has the victim's face. A Imp or hell hag or demon will be atracted to the birth cries and carry it to the evil planes where the creature has enormous value as a damned soul on the path to evolving into a devil, demon or daemon
19 Bone Worms enter a host through food or garbage. The host might carry the infection for years harmlessly. Each month the host makes a save or loses a STR point from joint and bone pain. At 6 STR most require a walking stick, half move rate and develop a hump. At 3 most are bed ridden and bones weak and broken. At zero the bones are gelatinous and the worms burst from the corpse crawling to new hosts. Some hatch into flies
20 Corpsefly grub giant stinging flies deposit eggs on skin often teaming up to distract animal while they take turns laying eggs. A d4 flies with a HP each that bite for 1HP. The grubs enter the body growing to walnut size living for months. A skilled surgeon can lure grubs out with a lump of bacon. After six months the victim maxes a save or dies as 2d6 fist size flies erupt from their flesh. If save made they survive with 1Hp per fly and a number of large scars. Towards the end you can see things squirm under the skin and a surgeon might remove them
21 Blood Ticks these creatures infest garbage and beds and are quite common. Occasionally a host gets heavily infected in area with plague proportions. Such a victim save once a day or loses a HP. When reach zero the ticks panic and eat each other leaving a d4 footlong bugs sucking on the husk and ready to lay thousands of eggs that hatch when a creature breathes nearby 
22 Hellfire Fleas are a virulent strain of flea that causes constant itching and -2 on all actions ones infested. In worse cases after a week the host must save to cast any spells or concentrate on a skill or sneak
23 Demon Mites live in grass or trash and burrow under the skin leaving a rash. Each weekly save failed reduces CHA by one with increasing horrible sores and increasing anger from the host
24 Bed Bugs these infest where creatures sleep or leaf litter and once infested the victim constantly scratches -2 all rolls and cannot rest properly without a saving throw each 8 hour attempt
25 Hair Louse infest hair and hats and clothing and beds. Host continually itches and eventually most hair falls out and scalp is scab covered if fail a monthly saving throw
26 Tongue Bug crawls into a sleeping animals mouth anesthetizing them (save to notice or stop bug) then it eats the tongue replacing it and stealing food every swallow. The bug looks horrific and most who see it treat host as tainted by evil. If killed or replaced the host has no tongue and cannot speak properly. Does effect the sound of the speech and kinda creepy the bug looks at what is happening outside mouth 
27 Groin Barnacle lives in the water and affixes itself while small over a hosts genitalia. The mollusc increases the victims sex drive and infects potential mates but prevents functional intercourse or breeding. If meet another with a barnacle they both get urge to mate in water to spread the pest. It is hard to remove from the host without mutilating them or leaving reproductively viable. The host needs to save to cooperate with any atempt to remove it as the barnacle floods the body with fear if anything threattens it
28 Skin barnacles live in the sea and affix themselves to skin making a rough sharp hard surface. Each month host must save or they increase over the body +1AC -1 MOV -1DEX
29 Slaver bug starts tiny attaching itself to hosts neck or under the hair usually found in garbage. At one week the bug is palm size with one HP. Each week it grows bigger by a HP if victim fails a save. At 4HP it is 12 inches. At 6HP it is size of a cattle dog. By this stage it has mandibles around victims neck and 12 claws grip the host. If bug is threatened the host must save or flee till exhausted. The host loves the bug and tries to protect it. The bug drops eggs in garbage as host moves and increasingly directs the host to wander and eat food it likes. Some human slavers use the bugs to render slaves compliant and train the bugs to help keep slaves in line. The bugs at 8HP may detach and fight AC14 Bite d4+keeps sucking d4 per round, MOV 6". They may defend a good host if it is unconcious
30 Flesh Squid enters the body through unclean water. Once in the host lives for a d3 months before it hijacks the reproductive system making the host constantly aroused. Sexual contact implant squid larvae in mates and females hosts also can give birth to foot long squids once a month which seek water to lay eggs. Host never notices anything wrong
31 Wolf Fleas are a foot long and aggressive living in grass in small packs. AC4 HDd4 Bite d3 plus once hit keep sucking till drain 12HP then flee, MOV 6" run 3" hop. If attack a sleeping host they feel nothing and the wound wont naturally heal without first aid or extra d4 days
32 Murder Wasp is a two foot wasp that paralyzes hosts then lays eggs in them. The eggs rapidly hatch eating the host after hatching in 24 hours inflicting a d4 per day. When host dies grubs finish the corpse then pupate over a d4 days into a d6 wasps. Was AC 15 HDd6 Bite d4+save or paralyzed d4 turns MOV 12" fly 3"crawl
33 Skull Lice sits on the head like a small spider hiding under the hair. In wild they live on bats in caves but the bats sometimes drop them if the bat has more than one. After a month it becomes hand sized but the host cannot see it. After 3 months it is a horror bigger than the head and directs the host to eat and fight and carry the lice to mates and to interesting places to lay eggs. After a year the head is fused and shrunken and the lice is totally in control and hostile to humans
34 Chaos Ticks are carried by monsters and demons to this world. They start tiny and live under the skin but once infest a host begin to grow gaining a HP per week. At 6HP the tick bursts from the host inflicting a d6 and will flee to lay eggs in some garbage before death. The host if survives must save or develops a lesser cosmetic mutation. Cultists often deliberately use these to gain mutations
35 Blood Beast infects host by cuts and blood contact. Infect the host slowing them, the host must save once per week or loses a MOV point. They become lazier and less mobile. At zero MOV the thickened congealed blood hatches into a ochre jelly like horror which kills the host. It seeks to infect by damaging animals. The unstable thing melts after 24 hours into stinking rotten ropey bloody mess 
36 Gut Grub infests human through food or feces. Each month after three months infection the victim saves or the grub bursts through the stomach for 2d6 damage. If host lives the grub sits content making the host hand feed it while it replaces the digestive tract. The host eats more but no longer eats with the mouth and only seeks lovers who also carry a worm so they can mate and both lay eggs by spitting them into leftover food or latrines. The hosts feel protective of the worms as if they were parts of their own body and perfectly natural
37 Trilobiter is a horrible bug like crab thing that attaches to swimmers with claws then inserts a barbed hook into the hosts spine and drains the host via a feeding tube one hp a day. The host comes to serve the bug which if needed can give the host back a d4 HP to keep it alive if needed. The affected host is immune to other parasites and disease while the bug filters the blood. The bug lets host wander as it pleases and will drop offspring on travels
38 Sucker snake is a blind white serpent that when bites a host fuses to them, feeding off them and coiling about host for years. A d6 snakes might feed off a single host each drinking HP a day. The first few days whenever a host tries to remove them they need to make a save or have a panic attack. After a month the host talks to them like children and longs to keep them happy. They often live in caves crawl out at night and try to affix themselves to sleeping hosts 
39 Rock Parasites are stony looking spiked molluscs that shoot themselves at prey and make a hit roll. If succeed host takes a point of damage and the mollusc abandons its shell to live inside the hosts body. After three months the host painfully has shelled molluscs escape through the urinary tract which if they fail a save causes a d6 damage and a permanently loss of bladder control 
40 Troll Tumours form when a host accidentally breathes in troll blood particles. A saving throw resists but if failed, horrible polyps and tumours and cysts begin to form. Each day infected the host must save or lose a point of CHA. When the CON is reduced to half the victim becomes insane and chaotic evil lusting for murder and regenerates 1HP/round. At zero the host sheds their skin and becomes a young troll rapidly growing to full size rapidly as it eats. Some have managed to control the insanity and halt the progression of growth by drugs and magic. Some say this is how trolls became the monsters as we know them today
41 Fungal Crown infests from spoors and is often carried by giant insects. If breathed by host and fails a save they begin to grow fungal antlers or a crown structure. Every week after the crown blooms the host must save or is compelled to go to the highest point in the most heavily populated area and releases more spores. Each month make a save or loses a INT point and at zero INT the host becomes a zombie
42 Darkspoor is a fungal infection where the host if fails a save begins to grow mushrooms in their skin after a week. Each week after they get a save and if fail lose one of each attribute. When any stat reaches zero they crumble into a pile of putrid compost. Once shrooms bloom the host gives off spores daily
43 Black Mould infects victim with spores. If fail first save the host has mould growing in lungs. If so each week they must save or lose a CON point. At zero they die and over a d3 days the swollen bloated body becomes a giant puffball that bursts spreading mould over local area. Patches of mould exist in damp basements, sewers and dungeons. Urine or fire can kill patches of mould without spreading spores
44 Brain Mould infects a hosts brain causing hallucinations. After 48 hours infected if fail a save the host euphorically believes everything is wonderful and interprets threats as non threats. When the host happily dies from some hazzard the skull splits and a fungal bloom releases more spores. Thankfully it only spores for a d3 hours after a hosts death 
45 Berserker Rot is a russet mushroom occasionally eaten to encourage bravery. On first consumption if the host become immune to morale checks and resist fear +2 for a d6 days. With a second dose effect continues. If fail a save at this point they are infected, host is permanently aggressive and gain +1 to hit and damage but prone to starting fights and abusing loved ones. After another week and another failed save the berserker has +2 hit and damage, can fight into -10 HP before death and once a fight starts will keep killing anything that moves only calming when nothing moves for a 10 minute turn. Once dead a crop of fungus grow on the corpse. Many creatures eating fungus enjoy the feelings of confidence not realizing it is psychosis and the risk of fungus eating their brain. Even some animals will eat it but most quit after making a first save
46 Puffing Rot is spread by spores in dungeon or eating a infected animal. 24 hours after exposure make a save and if fails host starts to fever, eating and drinking as much as possible before sleeping. After a 48 hour sleep the host is totally infected with fungus. The host mopes about stupidly and smelling delicious making them highly attractive to predators. After a d6 days if not eaten they walk to a patch of edible vegetation or fungi and explode covering all in spores attempting to infect grazers. If host is eaten it tastes delicious and mushroomy
47 Fungal Blessing if infected by eating a host the new host makes a save or begins to turn into a mushroom  man or a mushroomanimal. The process takes a week and by the end of a week the host is a self aware ambulatory immortal fungus and seeks to join a colony or a fungus cavern to live forever. While transformation takes place the hosts droppings will sprout mushrooms in a d3 days which also spread the condition. Goblins sell these as imortality shrooms to dupes and know how to cook them to make eatingthem safe
48 Goldenrot Mould is spread by spores in dungeons. If the potential host fails a save they begin to grow yellowish mould on their skin over a d4 days. They look hideous at this stage and become always thirsty and seek damp location. After a week they get a second save if failed the mould fully blooms into yellow mould and moving risks setting off the choking spores that may kill the host. This save is repeated every month if they survive. A mould covered person might live for years  
49 Devil Smut is often used by goblins to exterminate humans. Spores are contaminate food which is eaten. Eater makes a save and if fails is now a host. After a d6 days they develop some black spoor patches on skin, easily rubbed off. These spores infect human grain crops including wheat, barley, oats, corn and rice and within 3 months can destroy all fields. Burning the crops and leaving fields fallow for ten years is the only cure. The carrier is unharmed but may trigger massive famine
50 Widows Rot mostly found in dungeons as spores amongst garbage of fungi caves. If exposed host gets a save after 24 hours. Failure starts to turn fingers, toes and genitals jet black like carbon. After a week host gets a second save to see if condition spreads turning them black all over in 1-6 weeks. At that point host gets a final save, failure causes them to die in sleep a turning into a crumbling unliving statue that breaks into spoor dust with slightest breeze or touch
51 Bone Coral caused by cuts and grazes in salt water or on coral. Protozoa start to calcify joints and and if fail a save after a month lose -3 MOV, -d3 STR. After six months if they fail again they become immobile and require nursing to live. After a year the body is mostly a solid mass of coral with some still functioning organs inside 
52 Ameba infection has host overrun by protozoan amoeboids. Once infected victim makes a save every week or loses a point of MOV and STR. When either reaches zero the victim bursts open with a grey ooze. Often enter the body in dirty water or infected blood
53 Flagellum infection once holds the victim makes the victim fee squirming creatures inside their body. After a month another save or lose a d3 DEX and after another month save or a flagellum erupts from their chest and snatches food for the host and whips anything that gets in the way of food or harms the host. Aster a year most victims find a pond and shed skin living on as a giant single cell swimming horror with a flagellum that infects water 
54 Cilates are a protozoan infection that after a week covers the body in short black hairs that enhance their swimming ability. After a hundred hours fooling about in water their skin splits and they become a furry giant single cell creature which swims with tiny hairs
55 Microspora infects a host through feces, digestion or airways. Produces cysts throughout body causing a random loss of a stat point each month if fail a save. On death a spiral structure erupts from the chest and can fire spores into sewerage or near a creature that breathes within 1" for a d4 days
56 Red Tide is a protozoa that blooms in over-fertilized water. In high concentrations the water turns blood red and contaminates by touch. Infected victims make a save vs poison each day or lose a HP. Three successes means the host throws off the infection. At zero HP the body explodes spattering infected spores over 2" which will infect water or any living creatures
57 Slime Hood infects through water, food or bloody matter. After a week of exposure the victim saves or begins to secrete clear slime, especially over the face. At three weeks the victim saves or becomes a water breather who will seek water. After a week in water the victims skin splits revealing a huge transparent single cell blob with four flagellum to move that spreads more microscopic versions of itself. Some races use this to make humanoids aquatic then cure them before they become a protozoid
58 Zyrorg is a deadly protozoa that lives in certain soils, especially in tropical areas where it may get into ground water during floods. Harder to reach infectious stage in moderate climates most of the year. A d3 hours of exposure the victim saves or dies. Anything eating them the next month must save or die. After a month they make a new save and with success become immune to further predations. With a failure the host is a carrier who effects damp soil, sewerage and food they touch. Sometimes a infected animal kills a whole village off 
59 Brain Protozoa enters ears or nose through bad water or blood. Save on contact to resist. With a failure the victim has the parasite in their brain, success means they shake it off in a d4 days with -2 on all rolls. A month later the infected gets a new save or their brain becomes under the influence of the parasite seeking danger, hostile predators or  a body of drinking water to drown in. The victim might be imprisoned or protected from suicide but turns more inhuman, cunning and evil with stronger desire to spread the disease
60 Shoggothic Plasm the victim has been infected with micro shoggoths that rewrite the being to become a shoggoth. After a week the victim saves or begins to manifest mutations like extra eyes, limbs or tentacles. After a d6 months the victim is a shoggoth with a humanoid form and utterly insane and hostile but cunning. After a d3 years like this they lose all humanity and become a complete but small shoggoth unable to even look human with effort
61 Goldenbough is a form of misstletoe that grows on the body instead of a tree in clumps. Druids think it is a good thing. After inhalation of dust from flowers, save or become infected. After a week growth starts and by a month a footwide cluster of yellow growths and leaves hangs in a clump from the host body. The victim makes a save every moth or a new cluster starts but when finally resist no more appear. Some victims have a d4 or a d6 bunches62 Krinoid is a seed that falls from the heavens. A host is infected when the pod hatches and the plant germ is implanted under the skin. Witha failed save, in 24 hours the host becomes a shambling mound. After 24 hours it takes root and grows a foot and a HD a day. It can animate plants and trees to defend it. At 50HD it shoots seed pods into low dacaying orbit to spread across the planet. It has it's HD in plant monster defenders. At 30 HD it is telepathic and threatens meat beings with the new world order 
63 Algoloid is carried in water or airborne spores in humid tropical forests. Beings infected with a failed save turn green skinned after a week. After a month the subject has a layer of algae over the skin and is photosynthetic halving their food intake. After death the algae d4 1=animates the corpse as a zombie to spread spores 2=sprouts a colonial plant like structure that spreads spores 3=forms a slug like mass of plant tissue that crawls into water to disperse 4=d6 midget plantsmen erupt from the body and flee the area to start a colony
64 Corpse Flower plant grows throughout the victims tissues if they fail a save from touching a flower or insects that have spores on their feet. After a month the host makes another save or sprouts a d4 stinking fleshy flowers that attract animals and flies that last a d4 days. Each month the host must save or bloom a d4 more
65 Devils hair grows from spores in vegetation. If host infected and saveves they become immune. If fail after a week thin green hair begins to grow from skin. After a week it has replaced their hair, turned skin green and males have large beards and sometimes horn structures. A week later if they fail another save at this stage they lose urge to be civilized and run into the woods to join their own kind, often forgetting their lives and language 
66 Toothwort spreads from spores when the flower explodes within 1" if host fails save a week later a d4 flowers grow from them. After a d3 days the flowers explode when neat exhaling animals and explode inflicting a d4 damage per blossom on the host. If they live the can save to be resistant from then on or grow more flowers over a week which continues weekly until dead or resistant
67 Body Snatcher Flower has a lovely flower growing from a melon like seedpod. The flower shoots spores and tendrils into a host who if fails a save breaks down into a tendril filled mush that dries into grey ash. The melon grows into a human size pod in 24 hours which hatches a plant being replicant with memories in tact but no animal emotions and the desire to spread the plants
68 Elfroot often is spread by elf darts and arrows deliberately or possibly as spore dust. It is a weapon and not natural. If a human is infected and fails a save, they feel tired and a urge to sleep on the earth. while asleep they sprout roots and over 48 hours turn into a ten foot tall tree, 1in6 a type of fruit tree. The victims soul is trapped in the tree and now lives at the slow time scales of the plant world not noticing the smoky shadows of rapidly moving animal
69 Elf Smut infects grain and grass crops and if consumed the victim saves of begins to have supernatural visions. If they keep eating for a week and fail a second save the visions are more intense and permanent, with the host being incapable of understanding reality and living in a fictional world of their making. At best these madmen can be locked up or possibly treated with magic. When they die their brains break down over 24 hours into black mush that oozes out their mouth, ears and nose. The muck spreads spores that grow on crops
70 Shroomrot is spread by spores entering wounds in dank places. Once infected if the host fails a save they begin sprouting mushrooms over their body in a d6 days that look revolting. After six months the skin is covered and the host seeks to eat rotten garbage. After a year the host goes to sleep a final time and becomes a bed of fungus that spreads more spores
71 Goblin Snot is a milder version of green slime that spreads through sneezing. If breathed the host makes a save. On a failure the host after a week has blocked sinuses and airways. The host sneezes and splutters and their nose swells dribbling infected slime constantly. Some hosts drown but the condition lasts for years and is common in goblins. When the host eventually dies make the body a save or the slime mutates and becomes a mas off green slime over a d6 hours
72 Chaos Ticks are fist sized red bugs that latch onto sleeping creatures and numbs any sensation of feeling while they drink. They like to hide under clothes and the host gets a save to notice the tick. The tick has 1HP and infects a victim with a chaos mutation protozoa. After a week after first tick bite the host must save or develop a minor mutation. This only works once from the same tick source  
73 Chaos Earwigs crawl inside ears and can drive a host who fails to save into a insane berserker. Some use the bugs to infect prisoners in gladiators. The controlled host will not fight other hosts and they will unite to attack new potential hosts. When such a victim is held by several hosts they spit earwigs into the victims ears or nose or mouth. Victims can be cured magically or with medicinal products. Some chaos cultists can control the bugs and in turn control a gang of crazed beserkers
74 Skull Squids infest the body through open wounds in water or from the bite of a adult squid or when a squidman pierces the skull of a victim to drink some cerebral fluids. The host makes a save and if fail the squd grow in the human blood and eat each other. The largest ones grows in the brain. Aster 6 weeks the host feels ill, confused and has a headache. After entering a agitated sleep the squid finishes of the brain then operates the body as a puppet to take it to water where the skull bursts and a d6 pregnant squid jump out
75 Gremlin Spoors enter the body through the lungs. Host makes a save to resist or in a d6 days something is moving under the skin. At the end of the month the host saves or will burst open to birth 3d6 gremlins. If they may the save a d6 harmlessly pass out in the toilet 
76 Darkspawn is carried as black spores that enter airways or digestive tract. Once inside they convert the matter of the body into a living being of darkness. Ater a d6 days the host has violent urges and starts to form patches of jet black chitinous skin. The host become light sensative and hides by day and in a d6 days they are transformed full into a demonic soldier of darkness in the service of a dark god with no independant will
77 Hellspawn infect the host who commits certain sins while in presence of the spawn lurking in ethereal space. If host fails a save the dimensional parasite attaches itself to the hosts soul and uses it to enter the world. After a d6 days of nightmares and voices telling host to perform unspeakable acts the host gets one more save if failing forms a devilish face usually on their chest. The spawn takes control of the body but the head of the host may still speak and see what happens with its body. The spawn serves the minions of hell to the best of its ability. Possibly a exorcism with other healing magic could remove the spawn
78 Chest Octopi enter the body through water as a tiny cell and grows inside if the host fails a save, the octopus grows. If any attempt is made to remove it it strangles the heart and constricts breathing. After a month when the host approaches a body of water (the parasite will induce thirst in the host) and their chest will fatally explode releasing the octopus to swim away
79 Mutant Spores float in the wind and are breathed in. Spores come from fungi like pods or decaying mutant corpses. If host fails a save they develop a minor mutation and another every week they fail another save (1in6 of major mutation). Once host has more mutations than HD they become a amorphous monstrosity. The host must save vs each of the conditions of cannibalism, sex mania and homicidal mania. If a save is made they can resist the urges and make a save vs remaining effects each week. When all three conditions are in effect the host becomes a shoggoth. Anyone injured or in close proximity to the host might be contaminated by spores  
80 Brainbugs begin as plankton size and enter the body through water. Once inside it moves into the brain. Host gets one save to resist. If fails the brainbug begins altering behaviour and alignment, making the victim more selfish and greedy. The host will usually abandon friends and establish a stronghold with defences. When secure the brainbug devours the rest of the brain and will seek to contaminate a community water supply. It will attract brainbugs with hosts to the lair and coordinate conquest. If the host is killed the bug bursts from the skull and seeks water to breed in then grows into a cave lobster like form to guard the current queen
81 Poltergeist Spirit may latch onto a human or a location. When there is any stress or tension the spirit violently smashes objects, pills hair, throws things and slaps people. Certain magic drives it away or destroys it
82 Plague Spirit makes possessed host have disease like symptoms usually losing a stat point a day or week but not treatable by anything that treats a disease. Only driving out the bad spirit works
83 Madness Spirit makes possessed host have insanity like symptoms and a wholly unreal experiences that might drive them to tragedy or true madness. Only driving out the bad spirit works
84 Ghostly Spirit will occupy host whe fails save and either seek to fulfill a purpose it had in life or if no longer possible they try and commit suicide desperate to move on to next life
85 Holy Spirit is sent by a deity or lives in holy places and will only occupy persons in special cases. This can cast a common divine spell, mostly level d3 once per day. Some will cast for the host to help it if worthy and some let the host cast the spell as if they knew it themself. More powerful ones exist but they are boons of gods. Only one such spirit will serve a person, often they leave if host unworthy or a mission is complete. They might communicate with the host and offer them moral guidance
86 Chaos Spirit, lives in tainted places and pollutes a host performing a chaotic act. If host fails save the gain mutation, mostly minor but 1in6 major
87 Shadow Spirit is a form of evil shadow that hides by day inside a host. Usually the host is infected by handling a cursed relic, evil grave goods or a shadow surprises them and enters the hosts body unknowingly. The host gets one save to resist the passenger. When the infected host sleeps their shadow moves on it's own, leaving the host to find victims to murder and attacking like a typical shadow which returns to the host before dawn. Some evil persons manage to learn of their shadow and even cooperate with it
88 Wraith Spirit usually a wraith drains a host and feeds on their soul. In rare cases the victim awakes without life force drained but the wraith has hosted itself inside the victim. At certain times, usually by night the wraith with pour from them like smoke to feed on others while the host sleeps. The host experiences nightmares as if they killed the victims. The wraith uses the host to travel outside its burial place
89 Spectre Spirit is a terrible form of possession. Instead of killing a victim the spectre enters their body and restores any drained levels. The host feels a alignment change and feels bitter and spiteful. Their very appearance changes to look more evil and they dress and groom to exaggerate this which most friends notice. The host will seek to kill and torment the living to satisfy the sadism of the spectre
90 Phantom Spirit often is found in a artwork or grave sight and usually has a unfulfilled purpose. It cannot speak but will lodge inside a host who fails a save. At times by night it will appear and try to motivate the host to aiding it as best it can without speech. It may aid the host scouting ahead and warning them of danger to help it achieve the phantoms mission.
91 Eye Spores, lodge in skin from water. Host makes a save or they have a d6 parasites take root. After a week the host has visible lumps. A week later the lumps open as functional eyes. They can extend the visual field up to 60 degrees per eye if uncovered. Some manage to root they eyes where the host desires them like the back of the head. The host passes out eye spoor in their urine or the eggs come from the eyes from tear ducts. They hatch into tiny wriggling tadpoles in open water looking for a new host
92 Troll Tails were made by elder trolls to replace lost tails. The swimming creatures latch onto the lower spine if the victim fails a save and has a functional cow like tail. The tail will flick away bugs and becomes agitated if any hostile person comes near it. The tail drops spores into sewerage or water which grow into tails. Tails have a mind of their own and might wag, slap annoying smaller creatures or knock things over
93 Wizard Beard a magical symbiote that grows on the face of a arcane spell user, usually gained from another wizard. They grow on lady wizards too. After a years growth the foot long beard can store a 1st level spell. After 2 years the two foot beard can store a 2nd level spell up to 5 foot max. 1in6 chance the beard develops a fork and can store more than one spell. The original beard spore came from a god of magic and all the beards are his kin. If beard is unkempt it may start to die. Wizards refuse to acknowledge a pubic hair  version 
94 Shamans Chunder is a sacred symbiote that lives in the stomach. A shaman in  ritual can pass on a fragment to a worthy student who needs to make a save to receive the bond. The fragment becomes host of a spirit that protects the host from possession especially from threats while the shaman is in a trance or attacked by a spirit while out of their body. The symbiote gives a extra save vs possession. It is also a repository of ancient collective wisdom that can offer magical advice. The entity has it's own INT and WIS and CHA scores rolled with 3d6 plus a point to allocate every level gained after becoming a host
95 Grogslug this slimy finger size thing if swallowed lives in your stomach. It prevents alcohol having any effect, keeps out digestive parasites and gives +2 Poison save. The host passes baby slugs into sewerage. The slugs are highly valued especially from assassins  
96 Scaleskin spread mostly from touch with fishmen or lizard man. The host develops thick hard scales for +1 AC if they fail a save, once resisted never need to roll again. Colours vary and are often metallic 
97 Mage Horns these are implanted as bone buds and grow into bestial horns increasing headbutt damage by +1, and after after 3 months fully grown, gives a magical ability. d6 1=Stag Antlers detect magic 2=Bullhorns detect chaos 3=Unicorn horn detect poison and virgins 4=Goat horns detect evil 5=Sheep horns predict weather 6=Dragon Horns detect gold. The horns sense within 1" and can only be spread by surgery
98 Coleax this creature enters the body through the nose or ears and lives in dank places. Once inside it lives inside the host feeding from it without harm. The Coleax will stabilise blood loss if below zero and can once per week it can heal a d4+1 if it will render the host conscious so it can escape impending peril. Some secret orders cultivate and implant these deliberately and some specialist sages sell them. The creatures eggs pass out through the hosts waste  
99 Memoremora is carried by rare spores from a dungeon moss. If the infected person makes a save they are immune to the spores forever. If host fails the moss grows in the brain increasing memory connections so the host can remember events even from a baby or other previously unclear events with great clarity. This allows a magical host to cast one extra 1st level spell
100 Psislug are very rare and feed off the psionic emanations of a sentient beings brain. They Drop on a skull and bore through painfully with acid causing a d4+1 damage. A d4 days after infection if the host fails a saving throw the slug acts as a translator allowing the host to understand speech from sentient beings (but not speak back). It cannot help the host read either and it cannot read from a undead or non corporeal being. The feedback between two sentient beings feed the slug in a more optimal way.  Once a year a baby slug sneaks out of the nose or ear seeking its own host. If the potential host resists the slug it dies and no slug will go near them again. The slugs are considered quite valuable and used by scholars, traders and assasins

Monday, 25 September 2017

d100 Monster Bully Smack Talk

Monsters are not just bad guys who eat a princess and molest your animals. They are bullies who pick fights. You know what it's like your in monsterland or went into the wrong level and you just wanna get out the dungeon and some monster starts giving you a hard time. Jerks. Here are things monster bullies like to say to have a fight. Monster bully talk is just the shit monsters say as pretext to a fight. A hero might get a good line back on them ar one of those cool lines you drop when you kill a enemy. Arguments might happen but the bully is not interested. He will change topic, come up with second or thrid pretext to fight. Hie argument is genuine, just use to make the coming fight more personal.

Many fighting forces from tribal persons or tense border tensions practice provoking fights. Taunting might be used to make encounter happen faster to stop them escaping or just moving on. Nobody wants to run and enter a chase realty. Some peoples constantly skirmish which seems not as bad as war actually kills more and reduces life expectancy over a lifetime from constant skirmishes. Often both sides could make morale rolls to see how committed they are with mods for numeric superiority. Skirmishes that start from this abuse might break off after first blood and a injury or a death might make both sides withdraw. Neither are committed to systematically killing the enemy people playing by the same rules. Of course everyone following these rules might unite if other different cultures invade.

After insulting which might lead to more abuse or an argument, the combatants or just the leaders will introduce themselves then boast (d100 monster boasts?).

Then fight. Usually when a side first has a bad injury or death they each get a morale check and mostly both back off. Not all fights have to be fatal to the point of elimination. Most skirmishes from a tribal spat to schoolyard usually don't fight till everybody is dead. Skirmishes are more likely outdoors or not committed to holding the encounter point.

Those guys that run away help the reputation of the victors. Enemies may respect you or target you if you play by the rules. Barbarians enjoy this kind of fighting and it helps to toughen up people in a way dedicated farmer feudal culture cant. Fame and glory are helped when monsters spread your name. When you butcher a room of monsters there are none to say it ever happened.

If they are really committed like defending their home or family they might fight to death.
If they thought humans would not spare them then they would also fight to the death.

It makes fights more memorable than you meet ten orcs and kill them.

Monsters are not up to date with their dungeon sensitivity training, they say things polite people don't. It really helps them define their monster hood. Trolls were masters of this. Sorry take it up with the wizard or evil high priest if you don't like monsters bad language. Monster smack talk wants to trigger you into messing up.
d100 Monster Bully Smack Talk
01 They taste good both ways lets cut im in half and see
02 That one needs a good beating before we cook him, looks stringy
03 Humans eh, look at all the beastmen around here better lock up all our animals
04 My last human broke so we ate him, this is my lucky day
05 Hey check out these stinking losers, lets get em
06 I bet that ones got a book, i need some toilet paper
07 What are you looking at?
08 You got a pretty mouth boy
09 Here come some little bitches now
10 Humans! havent we eaten enough this week?

11 I know that ones mom....snigger
12 If you make it hard for us to kill you we gonna torture you for days

13 i cant tell if they are male or female, they al the same bending over
14 Hey you know what we do to your kind around here?
15 Gotta check for lycanthropy, lets skinnem to be sure
16 We gotta search you guys, secret wizard business
17 That one would only take one punch
18 Hey my kid collects ears and you've all got plenty
19 Shall we eat them or just torture them?
20 Take our land and treat us worse than cattle
21 I bet that one would squeal like a pig
22 Hey did you just think you could walk around here with our stuff
23 Hey those guys look like they are here to cause trouble. Get em!
24 I bags the pretty weak looking one with the wig
25 What are you doing on our land stinking up the place?
26 Who let you out of your cage, Your bad animals put down those weapons
27 Hey these guys think they can just walk around like they own the place
28 Phwoar something skinks, these walking dead over hear
29 Hey have you paid your special wimp toll?
30 Which one will taste best? Better try them all then decide
31 Finally some prostitutes around here, hope they last longer than the last lot
32 Ill show you how to take of their skin in one piece, that one will do first
33 Dam adventurers taking our treasure, killing our monsters, im sick of them
34 I think I will make that one my wife he has a nice stink
35 Hey you cant be too fussy down here, what happens in the dungeon stays here
36 They all look the same, especially on the inside let me show you
37 I think these ones are all eunuchs, nice soft meat, they stink like fancy hookers
38 I like to stuff them with herbs before i cook em, that one has a good rump
39 I don't like that ones face, reminds me of the human that killed my Pa
40 I've got a dress that will fit that one, then we can sell it for extra
41 I havent sacrifced anyone to the dark gods today and look what we have here
42 Do you think the gods will like these ones? They look full of blood
43 Are you sure strangling them with their own intestines improves the flavour?
44 They have such puny little turd gods it's a wonder they amount to anything
45 They are just asking for it walking around like they own the place
46 Probably here to steal our turds we better show em whos boss
47 I cant wait to get hold of those little legs and break em to make a wish
48 Look at those smug little faces, im gonna cut em off to feed to the pigs
49 Don't you know daddy doesn't like it when you play with his weapons and armour
50 Hey look, humans! Its like they want us to do whatever we want to them
51 Shall we bet which one lives the longest or screams the loudest
52 I hear lots swallow their treasure so we gotta squeeze their guts out proper 
53 I hope some have tattoos my mum needs a new fancy leather apron
54 Hey that head would look great in my collection come here
55 Hey humies, get on your knees and bleat like sheep, now you weaklings
56 These ones are pretty ugly, sure they are not your kids
57 Hey the new maids are here to clean up, those outfits are such a tease
58 Hey pretty boy whats your name? I want you!
59 All humans just bend over and take it when you show them who's boss, watch this
60 Hey I like those clothes. Give them to me now!
61 Ok humies hand over the cash and weapons and we wont have to kill you this time
62 That one looked at me funny, they must all wunna die
63 The skin on that one is just the colour i wanted for my new boots 
64 I tell you the fat one will last the longest just kill the rest
65 Hey ugly who let you walk around our place with that face?
66 Here we are minding our business when these human thugs show up on our turf
67 These look pretty weak, lets just kill them and knock off for the day
68 Hey these meatbags were just the dinner we were looking for
69 We will get one of them to chop the other ones up so we dont have to work
70 Wow their skin is so soft and hair so pretty i wanna marry that one
71 Thier armour is pretty weak, lots of warm meat once you peel it off
72 They are just thugs and robbers. What are you doing here on our watch?!
73 We can eat that one, sell that one and sacrifce the rest
74 Don't we need a virgin sacrifice at the temple? Nope. Great we can do whatever we like
75 No point keeping them fresh fellas, kill em and gut em now, dinner soon
76 They dont learn our ways or customs, they make no effort to fit in, im gonna show em
77 I hate it when they speak that stupid language of theirs
78 I tell you they have a extra hole. No that was just a stab wound, i will show you
79 Do we need more prisoners or meat these ones stink bad?
80 I want to touch that one with the pretty skin and lips
81 So they have tails underneath? Shall we make them show us or just kill em and see
82 Humans cant help but be violent they is all diseased in the noggin, have a look
83 If your lucky sometimes they have gold and gems inside. He you come here!
84 Humans just come here for the sex, Ill show you
85 Hey your new, tell those humans to hand over their money and weapons and strip!
86 Look at all the lovely stuff the humies brought for us and the rest is good for sausages
87 look at these chumps, Ill have on their knees begging in seconds
88 I tell you the magic ones all have sparkles inside let me show you
89 Wake up guys our hookers finally got here, i bags that one
90 These ones look healthy, they will taste better, not so slimey and stringy
91 It doesn't count if you do it to a human hey there's some now 
92 I tell you they are part lizard in disguise, lets cut up those ones and look at their bones 
93 Humans sure do eat fancy food, lets gut those ones and have a look if its any good
94 Humans say we ain't got souls or we all damned, lets cut em open and see theirs 
95 Came here to murder us eh, on our turf, you're gonna die you bastards
96 Blood and souls for chaos! Show them our Hatred!
97 Death to the vile mankind! kill him! Eat him! Kill Them! Eat them, kill them all
98 Our kind only wanted what was ours back, you humans kill and steal everything!
99 Our alignment must be upheld as supreme, death to the outsiders!
100 Hey you over there! whats your alignments?

I could do another one of these...
Or righteous abuse for clerics, paladins, nobles
-In the name of virtue slay these damned fiends
Monster introductory boasts
- I am Arkarjanx! I have killed forty of your race and ruined their corpses for even crows!